Love is in the Air Not Just on Valentine's Day
By Head of School Michael Dewey
February is the month of love. Not only does it contain the most romantic day of the year––Valentine’s Day––it is the time when high school students begin feeling a bit amorous. Having been involved with education for the past 40 years, this annual phenomenon gives new meaning to the phrase spring fever. So, with this in mind it is time to challenge ourselves to a higher expression of love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 tells us that of faith, hope, and love, “the greatest of these is love.” Of course, the love that Paul speaks of is a far cry from what we see reflected in our culture. A simple scroll through the titles of love songs over the past 70 years reveals exactly what the world thinks about love: Love Me Tender, I Think I Love You, Love will Keep Us Together, Love Is in the Air, All Out of Love, Can you feel the Love Tonight, and What’s Love Got to Do with It. The title of that last one has me aptly questioning, “What does real love have to do with any of the romantic songs we listen to?” The world has taken love and reduced it to mere emotions; a word we casually throw around to describe how we feel about something. Think about it. I love food! I love that movie! I love this book! I love Taylor Swift! Just kidding––I’m not actually a swifty.
The biblical word for love that Paul uses paints a stark contrast. It’s likely one you have heard about in sermons or devotional books––ἀγάπη.
Agape is one of three words frequently used in koine Greek to convey the idea of love. Phileo is the word for brotherly love and warm affection. Eros is the word for passionate desire and romantic love. Agape, on the other hand, is love in its highest form of expression. It conveys selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional love. It is the Greek word that shows up when John 3:16 states, “For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” Paul uses it in Romans 5:8 when he declares, “But God shows His love toward us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Agape is the greatest, because it is a reflection of God’s love toward us. It is no coincidence that both these passages involve action, specifically Christ laying down his life for those that don’t deserve it. And not surprisingly, when Paul says of himself at the beginning of 1 Corinthians 13, “If I have not love, I have nothing,” he uses the word agape. The love we have for each other, even for those who are our enemies, must also be agape. Hence John tells us in 1 John 4:19, “We agapao, because he first agapao us.”
One of the greatest agape letters Paul wrote in the New Testament was to Philemon (whose name comes from phileo and means beloved). Philemon was a Christian man who understood the significance of agape love and Paul commends him for showing this kind of love to all the saints (including himself). And yet, Paul still felt the need to encourage him to live it out in how he treated his former bondservant, Onesimus. It seems that Onesimus stole something from Philemon and then ran away to Rome, where he had a providential encounter with Paul. It was under Paul’s ministry that Onesimus repented and gave his life to Christ. In true Pauline fashion, Paul sends him back to Colossae to reconcile with Philemon. Understandably, Onesimus was likely apprehensive about returning. So, Paul wrote to Philemon and offered a beloved lesson with these small steps:
1. Forgive. Paul encourages the welcoming of Onesimus, whose name means useless, “that your [Philemon’s] goodness should not be by compulsion but by your own free will” (v 14). Onesimus’ return was his realization of Jesus’ love for his own life and the forgiveness that it offered. Paul asks Philemon to welcome him “not as a slave but as a beloved brother” (v 16), one who became useful for God’s purpose. Paul essentially echoes the Christ’s message in the parable of the prodigal son.
2. Encourage. “Accept him as you would me” (v 17). Whatever he did to you in the past, let it fall to me, but remember “you owe to me even your own self as well” (v 18). This may have created a knot in Philemon’s stomach, but it was a reminder that he came under grace too when he didn’t deserve it.
3. Agape. “Having confidence in your obedience…I know you will do more than what I say” (verse 21). Agape love requires sacrificial action. In other words, Paul is telling Philemon to love on Onesimus unconditionally. This is a new brother in Christ who is learning and wants to work––give him all that he needs for his heart to be used for God’s kingdom.
Having only Paul’s side of the conversation, we don’t know what Philemon ultimately did. I imagine had Philemon rejected Paul’s encouragement; there would be little reason to include this inconsequential letter in the canon. However, history tells us that not long after the letter was written, there was a Bishop in Antioch (a little over 100 miles west of Colossae) named Onesimus. Is this the same man? Tradition asserts that it is, that Philemon welcomed Onesimus back with agape love, and he went on to be a leader for Christ.
Spring fever is not simply the time of year when love is in the air for our students. There is also tension between friends, disagreements with classmates, and frustration with teachers. But perhaps, this spring, our students can put aside the eros, choosing instead to fill the air with agape. And when it comes to interpersonal conflict, they can choose to follow Paul’s advice to Philemon and transcend simple phileo, “walking in agapao, as Christ agapao us and gave himself up for us” (Ephesians 5:2). Can you imagine the impact such an outpouring of agape could have on our school and our students?
But this advice is not only for all the future Onesimuses that walk our halls. I believe we could all benefit from following Paul’s advice.
Agape,
Michael W. Dewey